Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Randomize
