i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i will never coherently bang her
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
