U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
