please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
