woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
