mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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