i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Randomize
