Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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