Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
