2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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