I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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