so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
