I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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