her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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