make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
