I want to make a zoo with you.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
