she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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