Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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