i jhust puked up my retainher.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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