she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
