I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
