I'll bet she douches with gravy.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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