ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
