this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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