I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
