Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
