Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
