Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
