If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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