How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
