What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
