Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
