How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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