I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
