umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
