i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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