Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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