The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
