Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
