So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
