My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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