Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
