i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
