whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just had sex on a roof
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
