I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
3pm strippers are depressing
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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