i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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