Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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