Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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