last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
nutella sex= disaster
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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