pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I love you.
Bad choice
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
