Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
